Fan analysis | Join the argument and hear what I think of the 2016/17 Premier League season

Aug 12, 2016, 2:00 PM

79 days we have suffered, but now there’s light at the end of the tunnel! Tomorrow the Premier League season kicks off and because we can’t contain our excitement, we feel like sharing our thoughts on the forthcoming season. (Hey, our analysis can’t possibly be worse than Michael Owen)...

Before we start, no one claims I’m a football expert, except me (and maybe my mum), but I do work in a place, where basically all we talk about is football, so I do feel I have a fair chance of assessing the league. So read along if you want a real football fan's unbiased analysis and if by the end you think I’m a blithering idiot, then feel free to write me an angry DM on the Unisportstore Instagram, where I’ll gladly spend hours arguing.

Let’s start with the champions shall we! I won’t play it safe throughout this blog and give you some boring fluffy prediction. I think Leicester will crumble. Maybe if Riyad Mahrez stays they will be able to do something worthwhile, but even with him they have been categorically dismantled throughout pre-season by Champions League sides. They weren’t even remotely close against PSG, and although Leicester scored twice in the game with Barcelona, it could have turned out much worse in the 4-2 defeat.

Their signings have been a little lackluster if you ask me and although we all want to believe the dream can continue, I think they are donezo. Summer holidays will have scared the Leicester players. If it does go wrong, they can however always find solace in their managers legendary and inspirational words:

Dilly ding. Dilly dong

Manchester United

Let’s be honest, this summer has been all about Man United. First Zlatan announced Manchester United (yeah, that way around) and broke just about all Manchester United shirt sale records. And now, in case you missed it, Man United announced Pogba. Don’t believe anyone who is convinced he is going to be amazing, because quite frankly, he might turn out a bit meh. I’m not saying that’s what I think will happen, I’m just saying it could. If nothing else, I’m just happy that the transfer saga is over, because that was getting very, very boring towards the end. Doing the launch video with Stormzy was epic though…

Manchester City

Champions elect if you ask me. Between them and United in any case. The only thing that can stop them from winning the Premier League is if they tunnel vision for the Champions League. I don’t think they are done in the transfer market either. Paying £47.5m for John Stones does signal that, just in case we forgot, they don’t give flying f¤#k about the price tag.

Arsenal

Arsenal, the meme masters. I think Granit Xhaka will be a great signing, because no one will expect him to score goals or get assists. He will be given freedom to run the show and suits the team well. Solid business.

Now they just need a top quality striker, but who are they linked with? Wilfried Bony. I mean Olivier Giroud is good and all, but he is no more than 15 goals a season. Arsenal need a 20 goals a season striker. I don’t know what on earth that is supposed to be... If my team went for Mustafi and Lacazette and ended up with Jonny Evans and Bony, I’d be pretty miffed.

World class ST

World class S

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World clas

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Wor

Wilfred Bony

Liverpool

God knows anymore really… I feel I’ve been pretty spot on with my analysis so far, but with Liverpool I honestly don’t know what to expect. Their signings could be good or they could be awful. In their pre-season they beat Barca 4-0 and lost two days later to Mainz (wat…). So yeah, my expert analysis on the Liverpool team is that I have no clue what is going on.

Chelsea

Conte, Kante and all of that! This is a bit of a rebuilding season for Chelsea, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be challenging at the very top. Champions League football is a must and I think they will get it. I’m really excited to see what they can get out of Michy Batshuayi too - although he isn’t a guaranteed starter, I have a feeling he will secure a spot very quickly.

Tottenham

I think Arsenal will finish fourth this year and by the laws of nature Spurs will inevitably finish below them. Considering half of the Tottenham team was a part of the England EURO16 calamity, it’s hard to think too highly of them right now. They did play very well last season and maybe a break did them some good. I’d put them in the same category as Liverpool and feel they will be the team to drop out of the top four. Sorry guys, but that is how I feel. Don’t hesitate to tell me if you think I’m wrong! At least both the Tottenham shirt and Spurs away-shirt look absolutely stunning this year!

I may have only touched on the top teams here, and you can be sure I’ve missed out on something very big in this analysis. I love to argue, as long as we are talking about football, so if I’ve said something you disagree with, then please let me know via DM on our Instagram. Bring it!